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Friday, July 24, 2009
NEW REVISED OBAMA 911
Obama's Revised 911
Ring!
Obama 911: Obama 911. Does your emergency really necessitate a tax payer funded emergency medical response or a tax payer funded fire emergency response or worse yet a response by stupid law enforcement?
Caller: What? Who is this?
Obama 911: This is President Barrack Obama. You've called the new more efficient Obama 911.
Caller: What the hell are you doing there? I need an ambulance. I think I'm having a heart attack!
Obama 911: Okay. I want to assure you that your health and well being are a top priority at this very moment.
Caller: Where's my ambulance? Is the ambulance coming? I have a lot of pressure on my chest! Hurry!
Obama 911: I am doing everything to expedite your request. However, have you considered alternative responses to your situation?
Caller: Alternative? I need a frickin' ambulance?
Obama 911: You may think you need an ambulance but have you considered counseling for your ailment. You might not need to burden the tax payer with the financial burden of an emergency medical response.
Caller: I have health insurance! I don't care what it costs! I might be dying here! Send the frickin' ambulance!
Obama 911: At some point in the future you will be better served by Obama health care...say in five years you won't need your private insurance as my historic health care plan will provide for all your health care needs.
Caller: Send the frickin' ambulance! Five years my ass! I don't hear any sirens coming down my street.
Obama 911: Not at this time you won't hear any sirens. But rest assured if you need an ambulance you will be put on a priority list of Americans needing an ambulance response.
Caller: Arrghh!! I'm dying here! I have a sharp pain in my right arm!
Obama 911: It may be time for you to step aside and sacrifice for the great good of the public. Can I ask you how old you are? Maybe counseling and group therapy would better address your problem. Plus your opulent lifestyle may have led to your current medical condition. When was the last time you ate steak, Twinkies, ice cream or used half and half in your coffee? Are you a smoker? Why should the rest of the nation have to pay for your indulgences that may have contributed to your current medical emergency?
Caller: Gasp! Hack! Hack! gurgle gurgle....I'm fading fast...wheres the ambulance....help...help....
Obama 911: From that hacking sound I'm betting you're a smoker...probably a heavy smoker. I'll send you a smoking cessation group information website. What's your email address?
Caller: ...gurgle...gurgle...wheeze...wheeze...gasp!
Obama 911: Hello? Still there? I bet you've set the phone down and are at your computer now joining millions of other Obama bloggers who can communicate with me instantly on the Internet. Do you Twitter? I Twitter. What's your number...I'll Tweet you. You know your phone number and street address used to come up on the 911 operators computer screen. Now, under my historic law enforcement revision plan your information goes directly to ACORN where you will be registered as a Democrat. In fact they should be arriving before any ambulance. Is anyone knocking on your door?
Caller: .....PLOP!.....
Obama 911: Hello? Look...if absolutely necessary I can send some stupid cops over there to break in your door. Maybe a good tazer application might help your situation.
Obama 911: Hello?
Obama 911: Hello? Great. My new revised 911 operating procedure is working. Have a nice day!
Ring!
Obama 911: Obama 911. Does your emergency really necessitate a tax payer funded emergency medical or a tax payer funded fire emergency response or worse yet a response by stupid law enforcement?
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