In the early morning hours of February 27th, two men died in the crash of a stolen pickup, in north Denver. Police and the Colorado State Patrol fired on the men in the vehicle when the stolen truck attempted to ram police and State Patrol officers at a road block. The vehicle came to a stop after crashing into Denver’s landmark nursery, Paulino Gardens. A third man in the truck was taken into custody. The names of the three men suggested they were all from Mexico or another country. The legal status of the three men, in regards to their immigration or citizenship status, is not presently known.
The following is an ORF parody. This ‘parody’ was originally posted in the comment section of an article about the incident in the Denver Post. The comment, in its entirety, was removed from the comment thread of the article. The parody has been modified slightly since the removal from the Denver Post’s online comment feature.
Here is the parody.
“This incident is clearly in violation of the U.N. Treaty on Police Pursuits of Discontented Individuals. The treaty mandates that Police use vehicles weighing no more than 453.59237 kilograms (1000 pounds) and not capable of exceeding 72.420 479 999 kilometer/hour (45 mile/hour (mph) .
The Convention prohibits the use of deadly force by the Police; requiring them to hold up placards written in 27 different languages that read, “Please stop eluding the police and return the vehicle. The Convention goes on to require Police to route the pursuit away from areas occupied by ‘hard structures’ to areas less inhabited if a ‘soft-impact crash’ is necessitated.
Paulino Garden’s may be in violation of the treaty’s building codes. Paulino Garden’s structures are not within U.N. guidelines defining ‘hard structures that may pose a threat to discontented individuals general welfare and safety, who are being pursued by Police’. The nursery may also be in violation of carbon emissions and green building code guidelines determined in other U.N. conventions in force in the United States..
The treaty states in lieu of Police responding to an incident involving a ’discontented individual’, a ’cultural counselor’ is to be called to attempt to locate the discontented individual to determine if the incident (crime) is an expression of cultural pride, economic need, or emergency re-distribution of wealth.
The Police violated the discontented individual’s 4th Amendment Rights to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and acquired things against unreasonable searches and seizures. The Convention requires Police to seek the consultation of a board of the discontented peers before initiating a pursuit or search and seizure of a discontented individual’s acquired possessions. The board will determine if the discontented individual is engaging in a crime or a misunderstood expression of cultural tradition. Police clearly disregarded this procedure.
The owner of the acquired vehicle (stolen truck) could be fined for ownership of a greenhouse emitting, carbon producing vehicle in violation of U.N. guidelines and which tempts discontented individuals and could cause a cultural incident (crime) of misunderstanding. Green counseling, in 27 different languages, is available to the owner of the acquired vehicle (stolen truck), to direct the owner in green vehicle replacement and cultural loss prevention.
The Police should be investigated for leaving carbon footprints on the Smartgrid.
Let’s hope this incident didn’t add to duress of young people who are already suffering from obesity.
My parody (this is a parody) may appear unsympathetic for the victims of this incident, but aren’t WE, the Citizens of the United States the real victims?
Thank the Higher Power of your choosing, as defined by the U.N. Convention on Global Higher Powers, that no Police were injured.”