OTERO RESIDENTS FORUM EXCLUSIVE

(Parody) The controversy over wolf reintroduction into southern New Mexico has fanned the flames of a heated debate between ranchers and wolf advocates. Livestock and family pets belonging to ranching families have fallen prey to wolf packs. Environmentalists and wolf advocates insist the wolf is a beneficial predator essential to the ecological well being of the region. Ranchers complain their cattle and family pets don’t stand a chance against ravenous wolf attacks. Wolf advocates counter with arguments that essentially call for removal of ranchers, livestock, family pets and line dancing from the region.

An equitable solution may be in the making. The Otero Residents Forum has learned that famed geneticist ‘Bill’ has bred miniature gray wolves in captivity. Working in a secret facility, Bill has used genetic engineering to reduce the size of a Gray Wolf, from the larger animal familiar to both sides of the debate, to a much smaller animal the size of a jackrabbit. Bill’s rationale is to give other animals, both domestic and wild, a fighting chance when encountering wolf packs. Bill insists the smaller version of the wolf has all the natural instincts for survival and maintaining wolf society, in a smaller package.
“Imagine if you will”, Bill explains; “You walk outside and there’s a miniature gray wolf on your porch, eyeing your dog’s food dish. Instead of fleeing back inside the house, in fear of your life and abandoning your dog to certain death; you grab a shovel and smash the little critter. Then you just scoop it up and drop it in a specimen bag and mail it to the Fish and Wildlife Service”.

Bill believes the miniature wolf packs will feed primarily on smaller rodents, insects, the endangered Mexican Spotted Owl, road kill and bird seed. Wolf advocates criticize the creation of a new genetically bred mini-wolf as unfair to the animal and against the morals of environmentalism. Bill counters this assessment with, “Who cares what those guys think? We can release these little wolves anywhere we want. Those people have no say in miniature wolf reintroduction. We’re releasing them on public lands; not environmentalist owned lands. The environmentalists have no standing in this debate. They’re from out-of-town, don’t rely on the land for their livelihood and talk like they have some right to come in here and disrupt the community. My next project will be to genetically engineer little environmentalists a fellow can just stomp on like a bug”.