We've all been told, or rather had it rammed down our throats, that an unmanaged forest left untouched by man, is the desirable goal and future of forests in the West. When I look at the forests, I see too many stems per acre, root weak and top heavy trees starving for water, an unprecedented build up of under growth, fire ladders everywhere, and the potential for a record FIRE STORM season in 2008. Add to this dry, over grown tinderbox of a forest a WOLF RECOVERY program in Otero County. Here's the scenario as I see it: The wolves are released into the 'wild' in Otero County...a forest already dried out from too many trees. The wolves will find the water sources most readily available, which will be watering sources for ranching and human mountain dwellers. In essence, the wolf recovery program is occurring in an area where water is scarce, thus forcing them to seek water off the forest lands (as we have seen with elk over population), and forcing the inevitable confrontation between wolf and rancher. The rancher will be the loser in this confrontation, whether he gets a shot at the wolf or not. The wolf recovery and potential release in Otero County is one of the most insane policy decisions we've seen in...the last month. It seems Otero County has become the petre dish for environmental experimentation by junk scientists who have little or no standing in our community.
*Read the Wolf Parody in the comments section of this post. Click on the title of this post to bring up the post and comments on a separate page.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
WOLVES IN A DRY FOREST...LOUSY IDEA
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A FAMILY OF WOLVES MOVED IN DOWN THE STREET
WOW! They did it. The Wish Some Wildlife on Otero County people finally released a herd of wolves in Otero County. I’m overjoyed with the knowledge that Broken Fang and his buddies will be roaming free and wild in the forests and tundras of Otero County.
INFACT….a family of wolves moved in down the street. Oh this is so cool! I want to be the Wolf Welcome Wagon Lady! I want to be the first in the neighborhood to officially welcome this family of carnivores to the neighborhood. What should I take them as a house warming present? A cake? Nawww….cakes are so typical. A tofu soufflé? Hmm….tofu is always a great icebreaker. I’d better research wolf etiquette so I’ll be confident in my choice of welcoming gifts for my new neighbors
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After much research on the internet I’ve narrowed my choices to three gifts. An elk calf, of which I’m in short supply, a caribou, or which I have no idea what the heck that is, or a small animal, like a rabbit. Well…..I don’t have any rabbits…but the lady who lives next door does have an annoying little poodle that yaps constantly. What better way to recycle that irritating un-channeled energy in that noisy squirt of an over pampered pest than give the poodle to the new family down the block. Sometimes in environmental justice, the ends justify the means, even if it means stealing someone’s poodle and offering it as a snack with organic coffee and self-serving ‘green’ speak. The poodle it is!
I have to stealthily sneak over to the old lady’s house and grab the poodle, stifle its yaps and whimpering, and sprint down the block to the wolves’ house. Here I go…sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. I camouflaged myself as a rosebush. I’ll blend right in with the old bat’s water grubbing flowers and those stupid lawn gnomes. Okay…where is the little rat? ‘Here poochie, poochie….come to papa’. ‘YAP! YAP! YAP!’
ARRRGGHH!!!! ITS ATTACKING!! I’m facing down the full force of a frothy mouthed, man-eating charge of a bull poodle! All 4 pounds of its fury and bulk! HELP!
The little killing machine has sensed I’ve violated its territory and its out for blood!
EEK! Why didn’t I bring some flypaper? I run for the property line and hurl myself over the award winning pink rosebushes! SCRATCH! OW! I didn’t hurl high enough.
Oooo…..that smarts. Thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a kilt.
The poodle thing didn’t work out. I bet that old spinster sent that poodle to guard dog school. I should sue. What to do? What to do? I know…I’ll make them a hat! I’ll make them a nice hat out of recycled materials. Let’s see. What recycled materials do I have lying around the crib? OH! Cantaloupe rinds. I have a whole pile of cantaloupe rinds that have been sitting on the counter for a couple of weeks. Perfect! The rinds are dry enough to staple, glue and tape together. They’ll make a lovely hat any wolf would be proud to wear. I’ll get to work immediately.
Ahhh….there it is. A beautiful cantaloupe rind hat for my new neighbors!
I’ll take it over right now! GAWD this town is full of morons. As I was walking down the street with the beautiful cantaloupe rind hat some idiot asked me, ‘Wha’? You put your armadillo in the microwave?’ What a dufus! Have not the people of this town ever seen a cantaloupe rind hat before? I see the new wolf family home now. Their name is on the mailbox: WOLF. Yuck. What’s that all over their yard? It appears that somebody’s large dog has been going number two in great quantities in my new neighbor’s front yard. HOW RUDE! I’m sure they’ll want to put in a nice environmentally friendly zero-scape yard once they get settled. I noticed a pile of bones on the front porch. I wonder if they’re into taxidermy.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! (Holding the beautiful cantaloupe rind hat, I knocked on their front door).
The door opens.
‘Hi, I’m your new neighbor….’ (For heaven’s sake…these wolves are BIG! I’m standing eye to eye with a BIG WOLVIE LOOKING CREATURE!)
I collect myself…is that thing snarling…and drooling…and are those more big, furry creatures behind it in the front room?)
‘I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. I brought you this beautiful…’
SNARL! SNATCH! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP!
(My new neighbor just ate the beautiful cantaloupe rind hat. I think I’ll be going now.)
‘Well, it’s been nice knowing you. Oh, by the way, I live about twenty blocks away…not on this street. Just so you’ll know. Too-ta-loo!’
I cautiously back away from the front door, smiling, slowly walk out to the sidewalk, smiling…a little wave bye-bye….the front door closes….the big, bad wolf is gone…
AND I RUN LIKE HELL, SCREAMING AND FLAILING MY ARMS IN THE AIR ALL THE WAY BACK TO MY YURT!!!!
One month later…
I don’t know if this wolf family moving in down the street is such a good idea. I noticed they dragged out an old couch and put it on their front porch. They seem to have added to the piles of doggie messes in their front yard. I noticed all the kids in the neighborhood are wearing t-shirts that say: I AM NOT FOOD. I hate to do it, but I may have to call Code Enforcement and complain about the condition of the wolf family’s property. I assumed they would fit right into the community routine and culture. I don’t think they care much about social law and being good neighbors. EEEKKK!!!! I can’t believe what I’m seeing out my picture window! There’s a couple of wolves ‘doing it’ in their front yard!! I’m definitely rethinking this wolf recovery deal. I don’t even do it in my front yard. Stupid wolves…..@##$%!!!!
Where can I get a crock pot big enough to make wolf hash in?
That bit about the petre or petri dish (you say tomato I say toMAHto) anywho, no wonder I feel so violated after attending public input/information workshop and townhall meetings. I am used to coming home and taking a shower but now I realize I should take a spatula or squeegee to get off the big pieces.
As for the crock pot in the parody, try the lunchroom at any federal agency these days.
Janet
I had to register with this blogsite to post here. I hope you cowboy patriots don't give out my personal information. You guys are idiots and rednecks. I hope a wolf eats your pickup and your stupid cowboy hat. There has never been a recorded wolf killing of a human being on the planet! Its FACT! Wolves don't kill people! American Indians used to rely on the wolf as their spirit guides. I think the Indians know more about wolves than you dumbasses do. You guys suck!
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