PUT ME ON THE ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST AND REGISTER MY PREMISE

My life is threatened everyday. I am surprised I’m not extinct. There are those enlightened individuals who wish I was extinct. They remain disappointed, much to my rejoicing. However, I realized that I was in danger of continuing to roam the planet because of the dreaded threat of CLIMATE CHANGE!

I became aware of my precarious position when I realized I hadn’t seen a polar bear in Otero County, New Mexico…in I don’t know how long. It stands to reason if the polar bear is extinct in New Mexico, than humans are next. I think the reason there are no polar bears in my region is because of climate change, or global warming, or maybe because of over hunting. I didn’t over hunt the polar bears in New Mexico. Surely someone did and must be blamed for this obvious destruction of a critical link in the natural chain of big animals that eat little animals and all that nature stuff that must exist for the good of all mankind. I also live in fear of a big chunk of the ice cap breaking off and floating down the Pecos, somehow leaving the river, finding my house and slamming into my house. It could happen! The globalist rationalization league just awarded some guy the Nobel Prize for creating scenarios just as I described. We’re all doomed and probably under ‘green’ taxed.

The other thing I’ve done out of a sense of urgency is register my premise. I down loaded the New Mexico application to register my premise. It tells me that registration is voluntary, which must mean I’m under no obligation to cede my property rights to global governance. The application also tells me registration of my premise is important if I ‘co-mingle’ my animals. All the animals I own co-mingle daily. I have beef, pork, fish, chicken and those little microwave tacitos all co-mingling in my freezer. The application didn’t say the animals had to be alive and intact…it simply read ‘animals and livestock’.

The phone’s ringing. I answer it. It’s the premise registration guy. He asks me if I’m aware the registration implies any animals I own are live animals. I meekly admit I must have missed that part in the registration. I invite him over for a steak fry. He declines. He stays on topic. Any animals included in premise registration should be live, breathing, lucid creatures. Lucid? Is that anything like a cervid? I drew a cervid tag in district 34…but I had no idea what I was hunting for. I think all the deer and elk scared off all the cervids. I tell the premise guy that I’m concerned about the declining polar bear population in Otero County, New Mexico. There’s a long silence on the other end of the phone…I hear breathing. He asks me if I need the New Mexico Mental Health Crisis Hotline. I tell him I’ve already been banned from that hotline. He hangs up.
Great. Now I’m left to my own devices to deal with climate change, the declining New Mexico polar bear population and a bunch of frozen animal parts co-mingling in my freezer.